Forever Young

I grew up a music fan. I’m a drummer. I have always secretly (or not so secretly) wanted my kids to grow up to play an instrument so I can go to their band concerts or sit in the freezing cold and embarrass them by screaming my head off at their marching band competitions.

It’s important to me.

From the day Nolan was born, I’ve sang one song to him every time I put him to bed at night. God Only Knows by the Beach Boys. The lyrics will always be special to me, and it will always be our song.

I may not always love you,
(I whisper to him at this point “don’t worry, I will”)
But long as there are stars above you,
You never need to doubt it
I’ll make you so sure about it.
Cause god only knows what I’d be without you.

Throughout Tera’s pregnancy with Simon, coming up with what “his” song… “our” song was going to be was a near constant struggle in my head. It may seem trivial, but this was really, really important to me.

I had a new idea seemingly every week. I couldn’t settle on the perfect one.

Then one day, about 6 weeks before we were supposed to bring Simon home with us, I did. It was perfect. Equal parts sweet and sentimental. Folksy and a little rock.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
And may you stay
Forever young
There are times that I hear this song in my dreams, or my nightmares. Or just ringing endlessly in my ears. I just wish I could shut it off. Why did I pick a song called “Forever Young”? I would give everything for Simon to grow up with us. To play in the band. To drive us crazy learning to play the trumpet.


To NOT be forever young.

I miss my little guy every day. Always and always.

4 thoughts on “Forever Young”

  1. I wish for you that Simon knows how much you love him, and how important it is that he has his special song…..I wish for you that the song didn’t bring such pain. Love and tears….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My daughter Tessa was stillborn at 38 weeks on May 21st, and I’ve been searching the web for something. People that understand, people that get it, someone that can explain why, and while I haven’t found that last thing (and know I never will), I have found blogs and pages like yours that make me realize I’m not alone. I had songs for Tessa, too. Forever Young wasn’t one of her songs originally, but as I held her in the hospital a version by Audra Mae came to mind that I love, and it was the first song I played for her as I held her – and was the last song that I played at her memorial. Your love for Simon is beautiful, as are your words here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dana, I am so sorry for your loss. Tessa is a beautiful name. It’s so painful to say hello and goodbye at the same time, and I’m glad that I am able to bring you some level of help or comfort. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you want or need to talk about this heartbreaking time.


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